LEGEND; A Professional Scotsman Review #3

#MINOR SPOILERS# Monty Python's The Piranha Brothers skit

“Doug and Dinsdale Piranha were born, on probation, in this small house in Kipling Road...”

I quite like the 1990 flick The Krays (7). I remember seeing the trailer for it when I went to see Look Who’s Talking and it was just the Kray's dear old muvva, played by the excellent Billie Whitelaw, going “Ooh lavs ya? You little monsters!” over a black screen. Pretty scary – even to a hardened upcoming Inverkeithing villain like myself (I was 10 at the time). And watching that film again it’s dated but is an undeniably scary effort that riffs on Psycho’s mother themes and plays like a horror film as much as a gangster flick. The new incarnation of the terrorising twins isn’t very scary. In fact if I had to pick a genre I’d predominantly say; comedy. It’s a decision possibly taken in response to Monty Python’s classic Piranha Brothers sketch which casts a long shadow on the proceedings and if you haven’t seen you should watch right now.

“I remember Doug was very keen on boxing, but when he learned to walk he took up putting the boot in the groin.”

By emphasising the comedic aspects of the twin’s tale they have made the story more accessible to a main stream audience. And by using Reggie’s wife Francis O’Shea to provide a voice over they have given it a vital female perspective. Her expositional delivery is pretty darned clunky but fair do's – they couldn’t go the mother route in this regard as that had already been done in 1990. Now before I get into the meat of the matter I just want to say that a lot of what happens in the film is fairly inaccurate. Even a cursory examination of the facts would lead you to understand that this is practically a comic book version of events – or a violently graphic novel. For example the timelines of events seem to have been compressed – I don’t have a real problem with this - it’s a movie so you have to make it work on its own terms. But here-in lies the first issue; the Kray’s biggest rivals, the South London Richardson brothers, would have made magnificent enemies to the Krays in this film. They even cast Paul Bettany as Charlie Richardson which could have been an inspired bit of casting (Bettany's Gangster No1 is a decent film) as the Richardson’s were much smarter, a lot richer and actually a lot more violent. Yet because they went to prison in ’66 they disappear fairly early on in the movie and the Kray’s are kind of left to drift along by themselves. This is a problem in a 'truthful' film version because it compromises the cinematic vision to its detriment, and it’s a problem the writer never solves.

“He used... sarcasm. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor, pathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. He was vicious.”

So what of Tom Hardy in a duel role as both of the brothers? Well, as a broad sketch of both it’s sort of great. Reg is charming but tough, Ron crazy but funny. From the plethora of documentary information out there, and certainly according to their pals, this is probably accurate. But that’s all we get really – broad strokes. Ronnie was bisexual and this is dealt with quite strongly (in fact he announces he’s ‘homosexual’ in the film but he predominantly said ‘bi’ in real life). But in reality Reggie was also bisexual too – it was even rumoured that the marriage between him and Francis was possibly never even consummated. By not revealing this I think the film shies away from deeper potential subject matter though I guess we can’t make them both gay can we? Oh well. This is emblematic of the introspection that the film lacks overall. Why were they so vicious? Why were they so interesting to celebrities? Not a single celebrity is used to give any sort of insight on this – I was really disappointed there wasn’t a young Babs Windsor bouncing around – or a Judy Garland or... well, anyone really. And what of the gang that surrounded the Krays? Again, watch any documentary and, like them or hate them, they're fascinating array of geezers. In real life Freddie Foreman was a Kray enforcer and his son – Jamie Foreman – has forged a decent acting career (notably as The Duke in the excellent Layer Cake) and to my mind the film was screaming out for Jamie to play a young version of his pops. The violence is fairly sanitised. In fact, so much so that when Reg commits murder with a knife it’s tonally jarring as we haven’t seen him use a knife throughout the whole film (in real life they used to chib people left right and bleedin’ centre). And it certainly lacks the random, casual violence for violence’s sake. In Legend the violence usually has a purpose or semi-relatable reason. In real life the murders they committed had almost no causality in the real world. It’s also well known that their own firm were close to bumping the Krays off themselves as they had begun to lose the plot. That could have been a fascinating angle – betrayal from within, something Ronnie always feared and was actually a possibility - just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

“Dinsdale was convinced that he was being watched by a giant hedgehog whom he referred to as 'Spiny Norman'.”

FINAL ANALYSIS: Did I enjoy it? Um, yes. I guess so. A pal of mine who shall remain nameless (let’s just call him Baz The Hat McVittie shall we?) did not like Hardy’s turn as Ron but I have to admit I did. I laughed quite a bit. BUT, and it's a capitalised BUT, I did not see much relation between what I was watching and the reality of what happened. I have no doubt that both the Krays could be very charming, funny and very kind to certain people. Evil is not black and white - apparently even Hitler used to crack his generals up by doing decent impressions of them. And the film needs a compelling lead so in this regard Reg is possibly correctly glamorised as a compellingly flawed hero who succumbs to the dark side. But I wished the film had shown the grim reality from the start and let the audience make their own minds up. So because of this I have to score it lower than its braver predecessor.

SCORE: It’s a 6 I’m afraid. Hang about... there are a couple of big fellows at the door. Must be Jehovah’s witnesses again, though they seem to be wearing a couple of nice Saville Row suits. Hmmm. Two secs......

......uh. Okay. On further reflection the film plays as a glitzy, fun ride into the secretive and dark underbelly in a broad, audience pleasing fashion showcasing a great actor in the duel roles of a life time and is not a flashy, undercooked, tonally jarring cash grab – there was none of that, that was right out, I deny that completely. A serviceable 7. Now, does anyone know how to treat having your head nailed to the floor?

ALTERNATE TITLE: Print The Legend