ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY; A Professional Scotsman Review #11

#SPOILER FREE# Watch 'Bushes Of Love'

"That's no spin-off, it's a prequel."

I hate it when reviewers make reviews mostly about themselves - but sod it, I need to clear something up: contrary to popular opinion I'm not that big a Star Wars fan. Sure, I love Jar Jar as much as the next man, but I'm more a fan of great cinema - and growing up at least the Star Wars universe was certainly a wonderful part of that. Even the lesser prequels have provided years of really useful, important debate. The spectacle, the emotion, the thrills, the tunes, the Schwartz - it's all top notch, iconic stuff. So yes, I adore the universe and know it fairly intimately - but as a slightly objective observer I had reservations about the need for a spin-off movie. I couldn't help but think: ca$h grab. Not sure just how much money it'll make eventually - I can imagine quite a bit. So I couldn't help but be sliiiiightly cynical going in. The interesting thing is that the film goes in a direction I had always hoped it would. But in the end - was that a good thing?

“You just watch yourself reviewing this Kyle. Some people want a 10. You have at least 12 friends who are MA-HOOSIVE fans of the series."

“I’ll be careful.”

“You’ll be dead!”

I'd always hoped for 1) a new talented director to have a crack at the series and 2) a much darker, grittier tone. In Rogue One I got both. So far so good. And Gareth Edwards is a cracking visualist so for the most part the film looks astonishing. The money is on the screen for sure and it's well acted - everyone is strong and the expanded Dune-like world is beautiful to behold. The issue of rebels being good guys is a complex one and bizarrely in keeping with current affairs in the Middle East. The top notch practical effects and creatures are fun and the astonishing CGI devastation is at times breath taking. However, I think the lead actress and the lead man (no idea what their characters are called... hang on, the girl is called Gin Urso) are lumbered with an almost completely humour free script which makes them very difficult to fall in love with. Also I'm a wee bit surprised they gave us another extremely posh English female lead. Don't get me wrong - I dinny want to hear a Scottish accent - that Weegie, slowed down so a universal audience could understand him in The Force Awakens [8], is the worst thing in the history of cinema ("HAN. SO. LO. YOOZ. HUV. BEEN. AN. AFFY. BAD. YIN. YA. BELTER. SO. YEEZ. HUV."). But it didn't make sense that she'd have that accent and, of course, as a Scotsman who hates the English it did my nut in. That's a joke by the way, something you won't find much of in the film. Oh, except for the robot (no idea what his name is, let's just call him C3PO?). Right, well, the C3PO in this is really funny. And yet the fact that a robot is the funniest dude in the film is kinda mental. Also the robot in Interstellar [8] is funnier.

"Watch your mouth Kyle or you'll find yourself floating home."

There are a couple of enjoyable uses of CGI to de-age certain characters from the past which I don't mind though it's pretty blatant. The action is well done, quite exhilarating in places - though often the best action is carried out by characters we don't yet know - or by guys we never really get to know. So emotionally there's not enough connection except for perhaps a couple of characters and I did find battle fatigue setting in at times. There is however an extremely well done short, ferocious action set piece from a character we all love right at the very end but this perfectly displays why action is better when it's short, brutal, or, in this case, is tied to a character we already care passionately about. And at the end, when people start biting the dust, something I'd normally really like, it fell a little flat for me 'cos I was like - "Who's that again?" Now - some of you will be saying: "It's your fault for not engaging more and learning their names ba' heid!" Well, you're right. But think about this: Han Solo. Leia. Chewie. Luke. Vader. Obi Wan. All mental-ish names but all tied to clear, iconic characters - hence, nae bother at all to remember. And here-in lies the problem: once you spin off from the established universe it lays bare the limitations of the Star Wars universe for tonal expansion.

"I find Kyle's lack of faith disturbing."

What do I mean? Well, once you apply more realistic. gritty war movie aesthetics to it you fall between two worlds: that of the realistic one and that of a fantasy. Because you can't make it violent like Saving Private Ryan [9] or even match the glorious OTTness of Starship Troopers [10] so it can never smash it on the violence front. And once you lose the Han Solo humour in favour of gritty, stoic heroes then bang goes the, ahem, rogue-ish humanity. And I'll go one further - it's not realy Sci-Fi at all: it's fantasy. So you canny even really ask grand questions like, say, even the much savaged Prometheus [wonky 8] can. And it would seem that at this stage the esoteric exploration of the force has reached saturation point: lip service is paid but it doesn't cast any new light. It sort of made me realise I'm never gonna get the Star Wars film I crave as an adult - 2001 [10] meets Robocop [10] directed by Fincher, or something crazy like that.

"What a piece of junk!"

FINAL ANALYSIS: Nah it isn't at all. Please forgive my overly critical tone delivered via a pithy quote. I enjoyed a lot of it. I did - I'm just... concerned - that the expansion of the universe is deviating so far from the original, beautiful, straight forward but spiritual template, that as it continues we're gonna end up ultimately with less and less. Aye, I'm being a pretentious purist but I don't want an expanded Star Wars universe akin to the Marvel one (or the DC one... ha ha, there's another joke for you) or even the new Star Trek world building which is slowly folding in on itself despite technical comepetency. Fans will adore this film because on the surface you're getting loads of good stuff. But in the end it loops back on itself storywise in the wider context - and whilst there's a certain satisfaction to that our imaginations, ironically overwhelmingly stimulated by the original movies themselves, filled in the gaps far better than any brave and ambitious blockbuster ever could. So aye, it's not a bad film at all. And aye, I'm being a bit of a cynic about it so if you want to ignore everything I've said and get wired in and enjoy it for the glossy and technically superbly well crafted expansion it is then go for it.

SCORE: A solid 7. It's either amazing piece of darkly all action fan service or a cynical marketing ploy... depending on a certain point of view.

ALTERNATE TITLE: Rogue Solid Seven Out Of Ten